Thursday, April 03, 2008

Random Thought by Plato

This morning as I was dressing him:

"Mom, when do you think I need to get a job?"

Oh, probably not until you're, like, 18 or so.

"That's good. I really like being just a kid."

(God I love that boy....)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

My Favorite Fool

April Fool, Sis!!! You probably thought I didn't remember you in my post below. Ha! Joke's on you....you get a post all your own. xxxxoooo

My sister and I are two years apart; I the older. She's a chiropractor now, so I'll refer to her as "Doc." Today is her 33rd birthday. For exactly a month out of each year, I am (in number) three years older than her. I turned 35 at the end of February.

When we were very young, I was certain that my life would have been much better had I been an only child. Here I was, willful and strong-minded, the ruler of my own personal world, and suddenly I was being followed around by a cuter, smaller, less advanced little person who I was expected to treat kindly at all times. This seriously cramped my style. I mostly tried to ignore her, which didn't work out so well. As we grew a little older, I saw the brighter side of the situation. I could boss her around!! This kid would do whatever I said! Sweet.

And did I take advantage of that fact? Did I ever! I was forever having her fetch things for me, ask mom or dad for stuff for me, making her play my games at my discretion. Once I remember as we were bathing together that there was suddenly a brown "floatie" in the bathtub. She knew it wasn't hers; I knew it was mine. And yet I talked her into picking it up and putting it in the toilet for me. I was so naughty.

There was also the advantage of having a handy-dandy full-time scapegoat. Doc got blamed for waaay more stuff than she ever did. Once we were playing and I made her so mad that she said "God Dammit" (at the age of about 6), and I went screaming to mom even as she clamped her hands over her mouth and her big blue eyes filled with tears as she begged me not to tell. I was merciless.

When I was 7 we moved into our new house that my parents had built (really built, not contracted). It had a walk-out basement, a full concrete block wall across the back lower level of the house. The artist in me saw that as a huge blank canvas. One day I found a rust-colored grease pencil leftover from Halloween. I stood and stared at that back wall and really, REALLY wanted to write my name on it. But I knew I'd get in big-time trouble. So I wrote my sister's name, in her handwriting, at her level. Just to seal the deal, I wrote my own name in her handwriting, misspelled with a letter backward. Oh yeah, it looked gooood. And my itch was scratched. When she got blamed, I felt pretty bad....but not bad enough to stick up for her. She took that one for the team too. God love her!

There were many times when we got along fine. We played more barbie games than I can possibly recall. Usually they ended up with the barbies naked or fighting or both, but a good time was had by all. I remember hiding underneath our beds and whispering for what seemed like hours, playing "spy" in our rural neighborhood, digging tunnels in the snow, playing at the creek, and torturing our 2 cats by dressing them up in our doll clothes.

We had to "share" the two other girls in our neighborhood as friends since they were the only other girls we could play with. I remember when we would all ride together in the back of the neighbor lady's stationwagon on the way home from catechism and BEG her to hit the bumps really hard so we would go airborne! We would get each other giggling so hard that we simply couldn't stop. Doc and I excelled at the giggling thing, which was great for long car rides but not so good for church...

As we hit puberty, Doc and I sort of both realized that we could put aside our differences and make the best of it. As we went through high school we began to share our circles of friends, and were really starting to have a blast together as I became a senior then went off to college. She was the only child standing between my folks and an empty nest, so she got a bit more lenient treatment...OK, she got away with WAAAY more stuff than I did, but as I look back I'd have to say she earned it for all the crap I put her through when she was too young to fend for herself!

Doc had a harder time academically with high school than I did, which is not to say she did poorly. Not at all. She just had to work harder at it than I ever did. In the end it served her well. She did great at college (I partied my way through the first 2 years and ended up having to go 5 total to get my BSN). She loved being a student, getting her dietetics degree first, then going on to nursing school, and finally going back to school with her husband and graduating a year ago as a Doctor of Chiropractic. I couldn't have been more proud!! I tear up just thinking about it. Now they have their own practice together, and are making it work for them. We live about 2 hours apart, but still try to talk on the phone when we can. She's busy, I'm busy, but there is that eternal link we share that I cherish so very much.

We have evolved over the years from sibling rivals to sisters to best friends. Who among us can truly say, without reservation, that her sister is her best friend? I am so blessed!! You can't pick your relatives, but you can pick your friends...I picked my relative as my friend too. It's funny, we look sort of alike (except she's thin and I got the big boobs), but if we are both in a room it is so obvious we are sisters; we have almost exactly the same mannerisms: we speak the same, laugh the same, have the same sense of humor, and we both pick at our nails when our hands are idle. It's as close to having a twin as I will ever come...having a person so very like me in this world is a rare blessing indeed.

I love you Dork. Happy Birthday!! ("Normal...") =p

Home at Last

The saga of my life since January 14 is coming to a new episode: Home At Last!

Since I started this job nearly 3 months ago I have been home, not counting weekends, 11 days. Nine of those days were in January, which leaves 2 days in 2 months at home on a weekday.

Of the 12 weekends that I have had in that time period, I have been flying or driving more that 4 hours away on a Sunday afternoon/evening for SEVEN of them. That has left me with 5 relatively unadulterated weekends for my family since Jan. 14.

Valentine's Day, JeepMan's Birthday, My Birthday, St. Patty's Day, Easter....away, away, away, away, away.

Its been hard on me. It's been hard on JeepMan. It's been hard on Plato and Lulu. But lest you think I am bitching, let me summarize:

The last 12 weeks has been the hardest and yet the most rewarding of my career to date. The company I am working for has established a top-notch training regimen for new employees. The sacrifice I have made, my family has made, is small in the big picture of things. I am prepared now to pursue my future, and in so doing my family will also greatly benefit. Because of this 12 week investment, I feel truly competent to go out and do what I gotta do ON MY OWN. Hey, I'm in no-man's-land. The nearest "helper" I would have is 4 hours away! "On my own" is my new mantra.

I love working on my own!! I can be a team player if I have to, and I can do it well. But really, I thrive as a lone wolf (grrr...). I want to be solely responsible for meeting my own standards, yet have a heierarchy in place that can recognize my efforts and pat my back. I know, it's a weird combination. In one sentence, here is the profile of my career persona:

"Perfectionist loner; motivated by extraneous recognition and reward."

It sort of feels like a confession to admit that. Ideally I would like to be above it all, independent and "self-motivated." In fact, I have used that very word to describe myself for years. But when it gets right down to it, I am not "self-motivated." I am motivated by recognition and/or reward.

Wow. Is that bad? Am I morally aberrant? Selfish, even?

I suppose it spills over to my personal life too. Many an argument has ensued in my marriage that is traceable to that very source: I feel underappreciated. It's a little different with my kids, but inherent in my wanting to give and give and give to them is a tiny selfish bit that wants them to recognize that I am giving. Hugs and kisses and "I love you Mama!!!" are all the reward I need, but still...well.

Maybe this isn't so odd. Maybe I'm just more aware/honest about it than most people?

I love personality tests and the like. I recently took this Enneagram test at the suggestion of my sister (take the classic test, longer but better). I found it to be one of the most revealing personality tests I have ever taken. Guess what? Turns out I'm a Type 2. A Helper who Needs to Be Needed. Go figure. I also have a Type 3 component (wing), which means I am an Achiever that Craves Validation. Yup, that's me too. Finally I have a strong Type 1 component: Perfectionist, Responsible, Fixated on Improvement. So true.

Not bad, Mr. Enneagram man.

OK I totally digressed, but it's a good digression. I truly believe self-acceptance and honesty can only improve us and help us to present ourselves, not necessarily better, but in an AWARE manner. Knowing about yourself allows you to try to anticipate how others might see you and how you can best approach others. It also affords you the freedom of acceptance of yourself, neutralizing, at least in part, the internal struggle (conscious or unconscious) that comes from denial of self.

Whoa, baby. That was deep.

Anyhow, hopefully I will be posting more. For those of you who have stuck with me, thanks from the bottom of my (selfish) heart!

And let me know, if you take the test: What's your Type?

And a Shout-Out to my girl SUV Mama: Happy Birthday, Girl! No April Fool's jokes, folks....she'll kick your ass!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I'm Not Quite Dead Yet!

Remember Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail? I love that show. I feel like the guy being loaded onto the death cart...."Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!"


This isn't really a post. I mean, it is....but not really. Its a snapshot of my life at this very moment. A brief snapshot. Maybe just a snap.

Training has been rigorous, to say the least. I really couldn't live like this if there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I have truly been away from home more than I've been at home in the last month. It's no kind of life, let me tell you. I miss JeepMan. I miss my kids. I miss organization and any semblance of routine. I keep telling myself, "This is a means to an end. The end is worth it. It's tem-por-a-ry." And it is.

By the end of the month, my three week-long classes will be done. Hopefully my traveling out-of-state to train in my coworkers' territories will be coming to a close. Hopefully I will be settling into my home territory and be home evenings.

On the bright side, I'm becoming a super-genius. Ok, not genius, but I am becoming very, very knowledgable about my field. The classes I am taking are like a semester of college stuffed into a week. Seriously. And the subject matter isn't exactly intuitive. It's technical with a lot of memorization. I am expected to go forth and teach it to others. I am visiting other hospitals and learning to appreciate that there is more than one way to do what I have done for 6 years. There are many ways to arrive at the same destination.

I am learning that there must be a happy medium between the life I lived working in the hospital and the life I am currently living. I am hoping that I have chosen that life! Here's hoping....

Oh, and I am learning how bad it is to be stuck in an airport 500 miles from home at the end of a week away in the middle of one of the crappiest winters on record in the midwest praying to God that my flight isn't cancelled because I would WALK home if I could to see my kids and my husband if I had to...

Sometimes it works out fine, and sometimes you have to do some seriously creative and spontaneous super-travel-agent maneuvers; if you end up at home for the weekend - hey.

It's All Good.

To my faithful readers - thank you for your patience during this crazy time. I really miss blogging and I hope to be back in the groove soon. I haven't even had time to check out your blogs which I miss even more!! Rest assured, I have not fallen off the face of the planet, my planes haven't crashed, my body is not lying undiscovered and decomposing in some hotel room with a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door....

I'm just freakin' busy. AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!


Saturday, March 01, 2008

Hmmmm....?

Ok, I'll REALLY post this week. I'm flying off again to yet another exotic frozen location, for another week of class, but I will try to find time to make a real post. I HAVE been keeping up with the posts I love; and I came across this weird test:



Not sure what to make of this...maybe I need to brush up on my emoticons.

Any thoughts?