Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Hay Chihuahua!!

Well, Folks, here he is: the man I consider to be the hottest on the planet.



Brendan Fraser

Hottie-Mc-Hottiepants. Dr. McHottie. The Hotinator. Makin' Hotcakes.





Now, I'd take this guy any way I could get him. He looks great all the time, no matter what the hairstyle or the clothes (or lack thereof). But the guy's also FUNNY. And humble. He doesn't seem to put on any airs or get caught up in all the Hollywood BS. He's just a super hot guy who doesn't even know how hot he is.





Ifirst fell in love with him in Encino Man. He played a lovable caveman and I remember him (vividly) slathered in red clay mud and pretty much nothing else. Woo Hoo!






When the kids wanted to rent George of the Jungle I sort of groaned. Look
ed stupid to me. But then this guy swung into the scene....Hay Papi!! I like George!! I like him a lot.




George no shirt? Very very good....

Black and White or color? Hmmmm.... I'll take both please!








When finding pics and info for this blog, I was surprised to find out that Brendan and his wife of 9 years Afton Smith had divorced back in December. Which bums me out because one of the reasons I liked him was he seemed sort of above-it-all with the Hollywood scene. And because they have 3 beautiful young sons. ...'Course, who knows, Hollywood may have had nothing to do with it.
Either way he is now single. Hmmmm.....
What I'd really like to know is where these pictures came from and what time period they were taken in:

They're kind of hard to see and I couldn't find them in bigger pixels but basically, from left to right, it's Fraser in a Fig Leaf, Fraser as Adonis, Fraser as Mercury, and Fraser as Poseidon. They're all Fraser nearly naked, which suits me just fine. But I wonder where these came from and what the point was (other than to make women, and surely some men, salivate uncontrollably)?


You may not know but Fraser is also an accomplished amateur photographer, with a website at
http://www.brendanfraser.com/. Check it out, it's pretty damn cool. All in all he sounds like a down to earth, versatile, well-rounded gentleman.
Who looks equally good in a Tux or a G-String.

Monday, April 28, 2008

7th Random Thing - An Amendment

Random thing #7: strange enough to warrant an amendment to my list!




-I'm a Splendakleptomaniac. I hoard Splenda packets. I can't seem to help myself. It's so much better than Equal or that Sweet N Low crap. And no calories, and tastes as good as sugar!! What more can you ask for? The kicker? A lot of places don't have it. So I started taking the packets whenever they were available, and now I can't stop!!


Oh well; my sister's MIL hoards sugar packets. At least this is a step above that.


I think.



Here He Is!!

NOT!!!
No, that's not the epitome of Hotness....I was just a little bored.
Mr. Hot, coming soon....

Saturday, April 19, 2008

What is Hot? A Photo-Essay

What. Is. Hot?

A question with many answers, none of them wrong. One could say Hot is as Hot does. But not for everyone. Sometimes Hot is as Hot looks. Sometimes Hot is a total package. The bottom line is this: Hot is as Hot is perceived. By the Hot-ician.

Ok, I'm losing myself here. Focus, focus.

Inspired by a former post of SUV Mama's, I decided to compose a photo tribute to Hotness, from my own perspective, with commentary. Here goes:

------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, I like to look at a pretty face as much as the next gal...So right up there on my hotness list are two "givens:"




Johnny Depp - I believe this is circa "21 Jump Street" or a bit later, although it doesn't really matter what era you reference, this guy does it for me...and millions of women the world over. Heck, my 15 year old cousin has posters of him on her wall! A man whose hotness transcends age (and, I suspect, gender:)







And you can't say "hot" without good 'ol Brad Pitt. Pretty Boy Extraordinaire. I love him in Meet Joe Black - also love the movie although many don't think of the movie as one of his outstanding pics. Boyish, seemingly vulnerable, and assumably unaware of the magnitude of his sex appeal (though I secretly doubt this), he is the subject of many a woman's fantasy, I am sure.




We will now take a detour from mega-mass-marketed hotness.

For the transitional male hottie, I've chosen Michael Buble. He's got a kind of James Dean/Frank Sinatra thing going on. Again, boyish, but with a voice that's an audio orgasm. Have you heard this man sing? Dark chocolate for the ears....mmmmm.



On to even less....conventional...appeal. Here's a man that not everyone is familiar with. When I confessed to my husband that I find this guy attractive, he just gave me a blank stare. "Why?" he asked. "He's old, skinny, and smokes like a chimney!"

Hey, I didn't say I wanted to SLEEP with the guy. I just find him attractive! This, folks, is Anthony Bourdain. Star of the Travel Channel show, No Reservations. He's a former chef of some fancy restaurant turned-author turned-TV star.



What's sexy about him? He can cook. He can write. He has a wicked sarcastic wit and a sharp tongue. He's real - no BS. On top of it all, he's humble. Self-effacing even. Combine that with decent looks and for me, you have a cocktail for sexy.


You've heard the way to a woman's heart is through her brain? So true. How else can you explain all the stunning women out there running around with average or less-than-average looking men?


Which brings me to the final man on this post....A man who manages to combine many of the factors of the above men into one very nice package (pardon the euphemism). He's the star of the TV show Dirty Jobs on Discovery Channel. Here's Mike Rowe, folks:







Sure, you could say it's probably all a facade. But I'm willing to buy what this guy is selling.

And tip generously.


This is not the end, folks. There is one more man on this list. He's the culmination of all these qualities bundled into one smokin'-hot package. Who can this man be, you may ask? You'll have to wait. This man deserves a whole post all to himself. Is it worth it? Oh, yeaah....

Any guesses in the meantime?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Six Random/Unimportant Things Meme

My best-friend-since-7th-grade Monnik has tagged me with a meme. This should be much more fun than re-hashing the Worst Day Ever (see below).

Anyway, here are the rules for the meme:

1. Link back to the person who tagged you. (check)

2. Post these rules on your blog. (check)

3. Share six unimportant things about yourself. (uh, comin'up - check)

4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry. (will do, checkity-check)



* * * Six Unimportant Things about Mom In Scrubs * * *

Thing1: I have a strange fascination with anything paranormal. I just finished an audio-book called "Don't Kiss Them Goodbye" by Allison DuBois, whose life is the inspiration for the TV show "Medium." While the reading of the book is fair (Allison doesn't have a great flair for dramatic reading) the book is great, and her messages, information, and advice are inspiring. While I am a lapsed-catholic at baseline, I have a strong sense of spirituality, a belief in God, and a ferverent hope in the afterlife. My favorite show is "Ghost Hunters," as it mixes my two favorite subjects: science and paranormal. Maybe I should have been a parapsychologist or a cryptozoologist. Not much opportunity for those professions here in Collegeville, Midwest, I'm afraid!!

Thing 2: My first date was, uhm...unusual. The night before my Sophomore Homecoming Dance I was asked to go. The guy was hohhhhhhttttt. I was already crushing on him hard. I accepted without hesitation.
Then I had to negotiate a lot of obstacles.
Travis was my cousin's recent break-up. Recent as in the day before. My cousin (by marriage, not blood) was my age, went to my school, and was a previous good friend of mine, though we had grown apart over the years. She had been giving Travis mixed signals for about a month, and he had been coming to me to ask advice. I had even gone shopping with him to buy her a tennis bracelet as a desperation gift, telling him all the while that he shouldn't spend his hard-earned $$ on it as it wouldn't get him anywhere with her. He did it anyway.
Two nights before homecoming, they got into a fight and broke up. He called me for consolation, and we talked for quite a while, mostly me saying she wasn't worth it, that she obviously hadn't been into him, blah blah blah.
It didn't occur to me that he was now dateless but homecoming-ready until the next day when he called and asked me if I would go with him. I was so excited!! I hung up the phone and it all came crashing down: my cousin was now dateless. I was going with her date. And I had no dress. I called my (our) aunt, who is only 12 years older than us and still, to this day, has the body of a teenager. I explained the situation and asked if she had a dress I could borrow. Oh, she did all right. But it was over at my cousin's house. It was the dress my cousin was going to wear.
Teen hormones make you do strange things. I called my cousin, explained the situation, talked with her a little about how she hadn't really cared for Travis, and then got her to lend me our aunt's dress. My mom drove me over to her house, and I was met at the door by her mom and the dress. I felt strange but euphoric.
The night was wonderful, as first dates go. I got my first kiss that night too.
And so it was that I took my cousin's boyfriend to Homecoming wearing her dress. Wow.

Thing 3: Ok, thing 2 was long, so thing 3 will be short. I hate hangers. Oh, I understand their importance and the fact that we would be handicapped without them. I just hate them. I hate how they always get tangled (even the plastic ones) and I hate having to find them, sort them, and use them. Maybe I'd be better off with fancy wooden hangers but I'm way too cheap. Bizarre but true. Hanger hang-up.

Thing 4: I met my best friend for life at the age of 12. We were going into 7th grade and she showed up at my catechism class. She was like nothing I'd ever seen. She was from a larger town, and dressed in these wacky bright colors and prints. She accessorized with a vengence. She had a ready goofy grin, dimples, and I could see her personality shining through like an inner sun. I liked her before we ever spoke. That first day, we had exchanged glances and giggles, and she saw me looking at one of her accessories: a tiny plastic orange clothespin. Did she wear them on her collar? The memory is a bit fuzzy. What I remember for sure is that she took it off, leaned over, and clipped it onto me. With that gesture, we were instant fast friends. 23 years later, though we don't see each other near enough, the bond is still strong, and when we do meet, it's as if we pick right up where we left off. I feel so blessed to have a forever friend. Not everyone is so lucky. Right Monnik?

Thing 5: I think I am part slug. I can sleep like no other. I am a night-owl, so part of it might be my natural circadian rhythm. But even if I go to bed at a reasonable hour, I can sleep easily till 10am. While I love playing with my children, I am a homebody at heart, and my favorite place to be is in bed reading a book. It is totally against my nature to exert myself to the point of sweating, so exercise is a nearly superhuman effort for me. Probably why I prefer yoga and pilates to anything....(shudder)....CARDIO.

Thing 6: I cherish my alone-time. As a married mother, it's a rarity for me to have any of this anymore. This is probably part of why my job is working out for me despite the travel and the overnights. Don't get me wrong, I miss my husband and kids terribly after a night away from home. But the silence! And the freedom to do what I want (see thing 5)! It's a brief slice of heaven for me...but one I am usually ready to give up readily as the motherly/wifely instincts kick back in.

Ok, that's my 6 things. Now to tag some people:

Don't feel like you have to do it, but if you want to, it's kinda fun.

1. Jess at The SUV Driving Bitch Your Mother Warned You About
2. Debbielou at One Day Closer Until...
3. EE at Backboards and Bandaids
4. Heck, EE's hubby too...Future PA
5. Hey you two...can I tag the baby too? ;) (Newlyweds, and They're pregnant! Give them a congrats!)
6. Travis at One Word, One Rung, One Day

See ya-

Worst Day Ever...

I have 3 posts at least running around in my head, but none of them are going to get out until I drano the brain-clog that is keeping everything bottlenecked up in there.

I am currently having one of the worst days ever. For Me. I know things could be worse, and I keep telling myself that, but today has truly sucked.

I am in Denver. I came here because my company requires me to take a driver safety test. It's held at a racetrack and we do a lot of obstacle course driving, skid control, etc skills. We rent a vehicle and basically beat the hell out of it in the name of safety. I had heard it's a really fun course, and I have been looking forward to it for a while now.

On the bright side, being in Denver allowed me to meet and have a lovely evening with my friend SUV Mama. We met at a lovely restaurant and had a fantastic meal. Our meeting exceeded all my expectations. Jess is a beautiful, bright woman with a soul that shines from the inside out. We packed as much conversation into 5 hours as we could, and I was sad when it was time to go. I wish her all the best in her move to WA, and hope maybe I can get out there one day and visit with her again...

So the irony begins right there: I have the worst day after the most lovely evening. And the irony only gets more, well, ....Ironic.

Today I had to get up and get to the local speedway here in Denver. I had about a 12 mile drive in morning traffic. I left my hotel at 7:15, even allowing myself a 3-minute pilgrimmage to Starbucks. I was making fine time, even through rush hour. My lovely GPS, which I have come to rely on heavily with my new travel schedule, informed me that I needed to make a left turn at the upcoming intersection. I was in stop and go traffic and needed to merge from a stopped position into the turn lane, which was a continuous lane that went on and on. I noticed a few people using this lane to zip up to the traffic light and turn, so I was very careful about finding a safe time to merge. I saw an opening, checked, checked again, and pulled out. I had not even gotten halfway into the lane when WHAM!!, I was hit by an suv driving very fast. I had not seen her. AT ALL. Both times I checked! I was not preoccupied. I was not talking on the phone or sipping my coffee or trying to multitask in any way. The woman hit my front left bumper of my (rental) car, and tore it off completely. I stopped and she stopped, and a witness stopped as well, and told me the woman was "flying" and "came out of nowhere."

The police showed up, took our statements and the witness statement, and in the end I was cited with improper merging or some such charge. $86 fine, could have been worse. 1 mark on my driving record. The officer told me that she would have loved to have cited the woman as well because she was in violation by using the turn lane as a driving lane, but the fact was that she had the lane and I merged into her, and the fact that she was speeding could not be proved. So apparently the accident would not have happened had I not merged. The officer also told me that if I appealed in court, the charges would likely be dropped. But it would cost me more to fly to Denver and back to appeal than the $86 fine. So I'll just suck it up and hope my insurance doesn't go up too much.

It just pisses me off. My driving record is spotless. I have had one speeding ticket in my life, and that was when I was 18. Gaaah!

So there I was with no vehicle, needing to get to the speedway, and couldn't get another rental car because of my citation. So the husband of the woman that hit me offered me a ride to the speedway (male stranger #1 that I rode with that day, also a new one on me!). He was very kind and nonchalant about the accident, and I felt at ease with him. He even carried my luggage upstairs at the speedway, nice guy, right? I got to the speedway and they wouldn't let me into the class because I had missed 2 hours of lecture and were getting ready to do track exercises. So I was screwed. I called a cab and started walking to the entrance of the speedway to wait, which is where male stranger #2 (an employee of the track who had helped me find my classroom) offered me a lift to the front gate, which I took because I had about a mile and a half to go lugging a suitcase and a heavy computer bag. Then male stranger #3 showed up in his yellow taxi (Bob, nice guy), and I got a $110 ride to the airport (ack!). Which is where I am now praying I can get on an overbooked flight standby at 3:45pm but most likely will be taking my originally scheduled 8:55pm flight which gets in around midnight.

So basically I made a round-trip flight to Denver to stay in a hotel, wreck a car, and spend my entire day in an airport.

...Ahhh, but I got to meet Jess. So it was sooo worth it! =)

JeepMan is quite unhappy with me - he is a "worst-case scenario" kind of guy so he is worried that I am going to lose my job and/or that we will get sued for all we are worth by the people I hit. Ok, For 1), tons of field people with this company get in accidents every year. I am on the road 80% of the time for my job, so my accident risk is waaay up. If they fired everyone who had an accident they would have a lot of problems keeping staff. For 2), I don't think those people are going to sue us. It's just a feeling I have (I accidentally-on-purpose left out the part about strange man #1's giving me a ride to the speedway - no need for JM to have a stroke on the spot...). For 3, even if they did sue "us" I am insured through my company. So I think they would be suing the company, not me personally.

Anyhow, it sucks. I know. And I feel like crap about it. But it's done. It's over with. And all I can do at this point is continue on living my life and use the lesson I learned today.

And pray like hell that I can get out of Denver. Which is beautiful by the way....another positive for the day.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

It's My Money, and I Want it NOW!!

This is Lulu's new favorite random blurt. We hear it all the time. Even when she's just talking to herself.



Lulu really has nothing to do with this post. I just wanted to make everyone out there aware of an extremely cool website I found:



http://www.missingmoney.com/Main/Index.cfm



This is a FREE website that is searchable by name and state to find out if you or anyone you know has unclaimed $$ out there. Unfortunately I and the hubby am not owed anything, although there may be a claim for us on my great-grandpa's estate. I did find about 10 people that I know that are owed $$ though!! Monnik's brother, a sister of another friend, a physician I know, some college friends, and my husband's biological father....it's addicting. SUV Mama, I searched you and you might be owed, check it out! Don't forget deceased relatives - I'm not being greedy but there's a lot of unclaimed estate money out there.



I'm totally interested in what everyone finds out, please let me know!!



Have fun and happy treasure-hunting!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Lulu's List

When asked what she wants to be when she grows up:

"A Horse Rider Girl..."
"A Ballerina..."
"A Princess...."
"A Fairy..."
"A Cowgirl..."
"A Horse Doctor Girl..."
"A Mermaid..."
".......annnnd, .....welp, that's it!!"

Please oh please stay 3 a little longer, Lulu. I love you so!

Random Thought by Plato

This morning as I was dressing him:

"Mom, when do you think I need to get a job?"

Oh, probably not until you're, like, 18 or so.

"That's good. I really like being just a kid."

(God I love that boy....)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

My Favorite Fool

April Fool, Sis!!! You probably thought I didn't remember you in my post below. Ha! Joke's on you....you get a post all your own. xxxxoooo

My sister and I are two years apart; I the older. She's a chiropractor now, so I'll refer to her as "Doc." Today is her 33rd birthday. For exactly a month out of each year, I am (in number) three years older than her. I turned 35 at the end of February.

When we were very young, I was certain that my life would have been much better had I been an only child. Here I was, willful and strong-minded, the ruler of my own personal world, and suddenly I was being followed around by a cuter, smaller, less advanced little person who I was expected to treat kindly at all times. This seriously cramped my style. I mostly tried to ignore her, which didn't work out so well. As we grew a little older, I saw the brighter side of the situation. I could boss her around!! This kid would do whatever I said! Sweet.

And did I take advantage of that fact? Did I ever! I was forever having her fetch things for me, ask mom or dad for stuff for me, making her play my games at my discretion. Once I remember as we were bathing together that there was suddenly a brown "floatie" in the bathtub. She knew it wasn't hers; I knew it was mine. And yet I talked her into picking it up and putting it in the toilet for me. I was so naughty.

There was also the advantage of having a handy-dandy full-time scapegoat. Doc got blamed for waaay more stuff than she ever did. Once we were playing and I made her so mad that she said "God Dammit" (at the age of about 6), and I went screaming to mom even as she clamped her hands over her mouth and her big blue eyes filled with tears as she begged me not to tell. I was merciless.

When I was 7 we moved into our new house that my parents had built (really built, not contracted). It had a walk-out basement, a full concrete block wall across the back lower level of the house. The artist in me saw that as a huge blank canvas. One day I found a rust-colored grease pencil leftover from Halloween. I stood and stared at that back wall and really, REALLY wanted to write my name on it. But I knew I'd get in big-time trouble. So I wrote my sister's name, in her handwriting, at her level. Just to seal the deal, I wrote my own name in her handwriting, misspelled with a letter backward. Oh yeah, it looked gooood. And my itch was scratched. When she got blamed, I felt pretty bad....but not bad enough to stick up for her. She took that one for the team too. God love her!

There were many times when we got along fine. We played more barbie games than I can possibly recall. Usually they ended up with the barbies naked or fighting or both, but a good time was had by all. I remember hiding underneath our beds and whispering for what seemed like hours, playing "spy" in our rural neighborhood, digging tunnels in the snow, playing at the creek, and torturing our 2 cats by dressing them up in our doll clothes.

We had to "share" the two other girls in our neighborhood as friends since they were the only other girls we could play with. I remember when we would all ride together in the back of the neighbor lady's stationwagon on the way home from catechism and BEG her to hit the bumps really hard so we would go airborne! We would get each other giggling so hard that we simply couldn't stop. Doc and I excelled at the giggling thing, which was great for long car rides but not so good for church...

As we hit puberty, Doc and I sort of both realized that we could put aside our differences and make the best of it. As we went through high school we began to share our circles of friends, and were really starting to have a blast together as I became a senior then went off to college. She was the only child standing between my folks and an empty nest, so she got a bit more lenient treatment...OK, she got away with WAAAY more stuff than I did, but as I look back I'd have to say she earned it for all the crap I put her through when she was too young to fend for herself!

Doc had a harder time academically with high school than I did, which is not to say she did poorly. Not at all. She just had to work harder at it than I ever did. In the end it served her well. She did great at college (I partied my way through the first 2 years and ended up having to go 5 total to get my BSN). She loved being a student, getting her dietetics degree first, then going on to nursing school, and finally going back to school with her husband and graduating a year ago as a Doctor of Chiropractic. I couldn't have been more proud!! I tear up just thinking about it. Now they have their own practice together, and are making it work for them. We live about 2 hours apart, but still try to talk on the phone when we can. She's busy, I'm busy, but there is that eternal link we share that I cherish so very much.

We have evolved over the years from sibling rivals to sisters to best friends. Who among us can truly say, without reservation, that her sister is her best friend? I am so blessed!! You can't pick your relatives, but you can pick your friends...I picked my relative as my friend too. It's funny, we look sort of alike (except she's thin and I got the big boobs), but if we are both in a room it is so obvious we are sisters; we have almost exactly the same mannerisms: we speak the same, laugh the same, have the same sense of humor, and we both pick at our nails when our hands are idle. It's as close to having a twin as I will ever come...having a person so very like me in this world is a rare blessing indeed.

I love you Dork. Happy Birthday!! ("Normal...") =p

Home at Last

The saga of my life since January 14 is coming to a new episode: Home At Last!

Since I started this job nearly 3 months ago I have been home, not counting weekends, 11 days. Nine of those days were in January, which leaves 2 days in 2 months at home on a weekday.

Of the 12 weekends that I have had in that time period, I have been flying or driving more that 4 hours away on a Sunday afternoon/evening for SEVEN of them. That has left me with 5 relatively unadulterated weekends for my family since Jan. 14.

Valentine's Day, JeepMan's Birthday, My Birthday, St. Patty's Day, Easter....away, away, away, away, away.

Its been hard on me. It's been hard on JeepMan. It's been hard on Plato and Lulu. But lest you think I am bitching, let me summarize:

The last 12 weeks has been the hardest and yet the most rewarding of my career to date. The company I am working for has established a top-notch training regimen for new employees. The sacrifice I have made, my family has made, is small in the big picture of things. I am prepared now to pursue my future, and in so doing my family will also greatly benefit. Because of this 12 week investment, I feel truly competent to go out and do what I gotta do ON MY OWN. Hey, I'm in no-man's-land. The nearest "helper" I would have is 4 hours away! "On my own" is my new mantra.

I love working on my own!! I can be a team player if I have to, and I can do it well. But really, I thrive as a lone wolf (grrr...). I want to be solely responsible for meeting my own standards, yet have a heierarchy in place that can recognize my efforts and pat my back. I know, it's a weird combination. In one sentence, here is the profile of my career persona:

"Perfectionist loner; motivated by extraneous recognition and reward."

It sort of feels like a confession to admit that. Ideally I would like to be above it all, independent and "self-motivated." In fact, I have used that very word to describe myself for years. But when it gets right down to it, I am not "self-motivated." I am motivated by recognition and/or reward.

Wow. Is that bad? Am I morally aberrant? Selfish, even?

I suppose it spills over to my personal life too. Many an argument has ensued in my marriage that is traceable to that very source: I feel underappreciated. It's a little different with my kids, but inherent in my wanting to give and give and give to them is a tiny selfish bit that wants them to recognize that I am giving. Hugs and kisses and "I love you Mama!!!" are all the reward I need, but still...well.

Maybe this isn't so odd. Maybe I'm just more aware/honest about it than most people?

I love personality tests and the like. I recently took this Enneagram test at the suggestion of my sister (take the classic test, longer but better). I found it to be one of the most revealing personality tests I have ever taken. Guess what? Turns out I'm a Type 2. A Helper who Needs to Be Needed. Go figure. I also have a Type 3 component (wing), which means I am an Achiever that Craves Validation. Yup, that's me too. Finally I have a strong Type 1 component: Perfectionist, Responsible, Fixated on Improvement. So true.

Not bad, Mr. Enneagram man.

OK I totally digressed, but it's a good digression. I truly believe self-acceptance and honesty can only improve us and help us to present ourselves, not necessarily better, but in an AWARE manner. Knowing about yourself allows you to try to anticipate how others might see you and how you can best approach others. It also affords you the freedom of acceptance of yourself, neutralizing, at least in part, the internal struggle (conscious or unconscious) that comes from denial of self.

Whoa, baby. That was deep.

Anyhow, hopefully I will be posting more. For those of you who have stuck with me, thanks from the bottom of my (selfish) heart!

And let me know, if you take the test: What's your Type?

And a Shout-Out to my girl SUV Mama: Happy Birthday, Girl! No April Fool's jokes, folks....she'll kick your ass!