27,000 Feet

I fly a lot. Several times a week, usually. Funny thing is, a year ago I hated flying.

I didn't mind when I was a kid; it was exciting, adventuresome. But then I had kids. Somehow being up here, while everyone I love is down there, freaked me out entirely. I even had to get prescription medication to help me fly without fighting the compulsion to rip out the exit door and put myself out of my misery!

A year and hundreds of flights later, I am at 27000 feet again. Behavioral modification therapy (entirely self-guided) has worked wonders, and now I am one of those freaks of nature that can sleep through all the pings and weather updates, pee during turbulence withouit getting my ass stained blue, and devote my entire attention to my book through the bumpiest takeoffs and landings.

I'm a Frequent Flyer, officially.

As such, I always want the aisle seat. Of course there's the legroom issue, but I can also get off the plane and make my connection, rental car, or home more quickly (really! 10 minutes can make or break you!). Mostly its because I'm just impatient.

I used to request a window seat. Yes, REQUEST. I wanted to stare out the window at the scenery. Feel the sensation of the ground falling away and my stomach falling with it. Find shapes in the puffy clouds.

That was the dreamer in me, and I've put her away a lot lately. I don't have the time.

I found her again today. My case cancelled, and I had to get a standby flight. I made it, got on board, and the plane was nearly empty. The seats were nice and new, it was a comfortably warm temperature, and the air portals were blowing cool air gently on my face. The flight attendants were pleasant, and Captain Dan came out to greet us personally.

I still got my aisle seat, but there was no one next to me and the windows were clean and scratch-free.

I feel good today. Really, truly, good. And I'm headed home. Tonight I will be holding my children in my arms and kissing their luscious round cheeks.

Basking in my contentment, I did not open my book. Instead, I watched out the window. Watched as the ground fell away, buildings shrinking exponentially. I gave myself over to centrifugal force and sank into my seat as the plane banked steeply but smoothly. I closed my eyes and luxuriated in the warmth of the sun on my face as the plane burst through the heavy blanket of clouds.

It's always sunny up there. I tend to forget that, or not care. Up there, there is no spatial reference. I could be giant or tiny.

An airplane is a curiously intimate setting. I'm as alone as I want to be. But if the situation is right, I might make a brief new acquaintance.

And the white noise is lovely, muting the ambient noise of conversation and allowing me to fold into myself and float gently and weightlessly in my head. Its almost as nice as silence.

At 27000 feet, there is no stress. Phones are off. Computers are off. No one will fault me for being unavailable; I was on a plane. Of course.

But all good things, as they say....

Every flight ends in an airport. And airports are the polar opposite of 27000 feet.

No wonder everyone is in such a hurry to board the plane.

Worst Day Ever...

I have 3 posts at least running around in my head, but none of them are going to get out until I drano the brain-clog that is keeping everything bottlenecked up in there.

I am currently having one of the worst days ever. For Me. I know things could be worse, and I keep telling myself that, but today has truly sucked.

I am in Denver. I came here because my company requires me to take a driver safety test. It's held at a racetrack and we do a lot of obstacle course driving, skid control, etc skills. We rent a vehicle and basically beat the hell out of it in the name of safety. I had heard it's a really fun course, and I have been looking forward to it for a while now.

On the bright side, being in Denver allowed me to meet and have a lovely evening with my friend SUV Mama. We met at a lovely restaurant and had a fantastic meal. Our meeting exceeded all my expectations. Jess is a beautiful, bright woman with a soul that shines from the inside out. We packed as much conversation into 5 hours as we could, and I was sad when it was time to go. I wish her all the best in her move to WA, and hope maybe I can get out there one day and visit with her again...

So the irony begins right there: I have the worst day after the most lovely evening. And the irony only gets more, well, ....Ironic.

Today I had to get up and get to the local speedway here in Denver. I had about a 12 mile drive in morning traffic. I left my hotel at 7:15, even allowing myself a 3-minute pilgrimmage to Starbucks. I was making fine time, even through rush hour. My lovely GPS, which I have come to rely on heavily with my new travel schedule, informed me that I needed to make a left turn at the upcoming intersection. I was in stop and go traffic and needed to merge from a stopped position into the turn lane, which was a continuous lane that went on and on. I noticed a few people using this lane to zip up to the traffic light and turn, so I was very careful about finding a safe time to merge. I saw an opening, checked, checked again, and pulled out. I had not even gotten halfway into the lane when WHAM!!, I was hit by an suv driving very fast. I had not seen her. AT ALL. Both times I checked! I was not preoccupied. I was not talking on the phone or sipping my coffee or trying to multitask in any way. The woman hit my front left bumper of my (rental) car, and tore it off completely. I stopped and she stopped, and a witness stopped as well, and told me the woman was "flying" and "came out of nowhere."

The police showed up, took our statements and the witness statement, and in the end I was cited with improper merging or some such charge. $86 fine, could have been worse. 1 mark on my driving record. The officer told me that she would have loved to have cited the woman as well because she was in violation by using the turn lane as a driving lane, but the fact was that she had the lane and I merged into her, and the fact that she was speeding could not be proved. So apparently the accident would not have happened had I not merged. The officer also told me that if I appealed in court, the charges would likely be dropped. But it would cost me more to fly to Denver and back to appeal than the $86 fine. So I'll just suck it up and hope my insurance doesn't go up too much.

It just pisses me off. My driving record is spotless. I have had one speeding ticket in my life, and that was when I was 18. Gaaah!

So there I was with no vehicle, needing to get to the speedway, and couldn't get another rental car because of my citation. So the husband of the woman that hit me offered me a ride to the speedway (male stranger #1 that I rode with that day, also a new one on me!). He was very kind and nonchalant about the accident, and I felt at ease with him. He even carried my luggage upstairs at the speedway, nice guy, right? I got to the speedway and they wouldn't let me into the class because I had missed 2 hours of lecture and were getting ready to do track exercises. So I was screwed. I called a cab and started walking to the entrance of the speedway to wait, which is where male stranger #2 (an employee of the track who had helped me find my classroom) offered me a lift to the front gate, which I took because I had about a mile and a half to go lugging a suitcase and a heavy computer bag. Then male stranger #3 showed up in his yellow taxi (Bob, nice guy), and I got a $110 ride to the airport (ack!). Which is where I am now praying I can get on an overbooked flight standby at 3:45pm but most likely will be taking my originally scheduled 8:55pm flight which gets in around midnight.

So basically I made a round-trip flight to Denver to stay in a hotel, wreck a car, and spend my entire day in an airport.

...Ahhh, but I got to meet Jess. So it was sooo worth it! =)

JeepMan is quite unhappy with me - he is a "worst-case scenario" kind of guy so he is worried that I am going to lose my job and/or that we will get sued for all we are worth by the people I hit. Ok, For 1), tons of field people with this company get in accidents every year. I am on the road 80% of the time for my job, so my accident risk is waaay up. If they fired everyone who had an accident they would have a lot of problems keeping staff. For 2), I don't think those people are going to sue us. It's just a feeling I have (I accidentally-on-purpose left out the part about strange man #1's giving me a ride to the speedway - no need for JM to have a stroke on the spot...). For 3, even if they did sue "us" I am insured through my company. So I think they would be suing the company, not me personally.

Anyhow, it sucks. I know. And I feel like crap about it. But it's done. It's over with. And all I can do at this point is continue on living my life and use the lesson I learned today.

And pray like hell that I can get out of Denver. Which is beautiful by the way....another positive for the day.

I'm Not Quite Dead Yet!

Remember Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail? I love that show. I feel like the guy being loaded onto the death cart...."Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!"

This isn't really a post. I mean, it is....but not really. Its a snapshot of my life at this very moment. A brief snapshot. Maybe just a snap.

Training has been rigorous, to say the least. I really couldn't live like this if there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I have truly been away from home more than I've been at home in the last month. It's no kind of life, let me tell you. I miss JeepMan. I miss my kids. I miss organization and any semblance of routine. I keep telling myself, "This is a means to an end. The end is worth it. It's tem-por-a-ry." And it is.

By the end of the month, my three week-long classes will be done. Hopefully my traveling out-of-state to train in my coworkers' territories will be coming to a close. Hopefully I will be settling into my home territory and be home evenings.

On the bright side, I'm becoming a super-genius. Ok, not genius, but I am becoming very, very knowledgable about my field. The classes I am taking are like a semester of college stuffed into a week. Seriously. And the subject matter isn't exactly intuitive. It's technical with a lot of memorization. I am expected to go forth and teach it to others. I am visiting other hospitals and learning to appreciate that there is more than one way to do what I have done for 6 years. There are many ways to arrive at the same destination.

I am learning that there must be a happy medium between the life I lived working in the hospital and the life I am currently living. I am hoping that I have chosen that life! Here's hoping....

Oh, and I am learning how bad it is to be stuck in an airport 500 miles from home at the end of a week away in the middle of one of the crappiest winters on record in the midwest praying to God that my flight isn't cancelled because I would WALK home if I could to see my kids and my husband if I had to...

Sometimes it works out fine, and sometimes you have to do some seriously creative and spontaneous super-travel-agent maneuvers; if you end up at home for the weekend - hey.

It's All Good.

To my faithful readers - thank you for your patience during this crazy time. I really miss blogging and I hope to be back in the groove soon. I haven't even had time to check out your blogs which I miss even more!! Rest assured, I have not fallen off the face of the planet, my planes haven't crashed, my body is not lying undiscovered and decomposing in some hotel room with a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door....

I'm just freakin' busy. AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

Random Acts of Kindness

Some days I start to think there can't be much kindness left in the world. I'm not talking about being polite or simply getting along with others. I'm talking about the sort of kindness that requires self-sacrifice, the kind that comes from the true part of a person that puts another's needs before his or her own.

One might think that because I am a nurse I would see these acts of kindness every day. Don't think me heartless, but I feel that what I do each day at work, while it comes from a need to make the experience of my patients positive, doesn't really count. I am being paid to do it. Would I come here each day and bust my butt to make patients happy if I wasn't being properly compensated? Uhhh, that would be a No.

Today, however, I witnessed a powerful scenario that made me believe once again in the concept of self-sacrifice.

I rode the bus to work today. As I was walking to the bus stop, thunder boomed all around me. The nanosecond I stepped onto the bus, the sky opened up and a great deluge began. Fortunately, I came prepared, and walked the block from the bus stop to the hospital under my umbrella. My head was protected, but it was raining so hard that the rest of me got pretty wet. I didn't really care about the rest as I get to change into scrubs when I get to work, but I was having a great hair day, so a dry head was pretty important.

As I approached the hospital, I saw an ambulance parked about 20 feet away from the door I use. The back doors were open and 2 paramedics were just coming out the hospital door with a patient that they were going to load into the ambulance. The patient had a blanket over his body, but no protection for his head, and the paramedics had all their hands full trying to maneuver the loaded stretcher from the doorway to the ambulance. Just as I was thinking, "That poor patient, he's going to get soaked," a woman in front of me went running over with her umbrella to hold it over the patient's head. She followed them all the way to the ambulance until the patient's head was in the vehicle. It took probably 20 seconds, and the woman ended up absolutely drenched!! I caught up to her as she ducked back under her umbrella, and told her with great admiration, "That's the nicest thing I have ever seen." She just smiled and said, "Well, I couldn't just let the poor guy get poured on. He's probably not having a great day as it is!"

As we rode together in the elevator, I wondered if I would have done the same thing. I'd like to think I would. Then again, I hate being wet when I should be dry, and I was having a really, really good hair day...

The Day After Saturday

Just wanted to post that I had a great night last night. JeepMan took me out for sushi - my favorite! We ordered a "Love Boat," which is a 40-piece sampling of all kinds of sushi. It came with miso soup, which I could eat every day, and a ginger salad. JeepMan likes sushi too, but he said he would rather have had a steak. I just never crave a steak when I eat out, probably because I can cook a steak just as good at home, for cheaper! When I go out I want something that I can't or wouldn't make at home.

We saw the movie, "Fracture," with Anthony Hopkins. Man, is he getting wrinkly! But he's an awesome actor, and the movie was pretty good. I figured out the twist about halfway through. I hate it when I figure out the twist early. Ok, I mean, I like feeling smart, but it sort of ruins it too.

Today I have to go to Wal-Mart (as my friend Nik so appropriately put it, the 7th Circle of Hell). I need to grocery shop and necessities shop, so one stop shopping is the lure that takes me there. Then we have to go get the kids. Somewhere in there I need to start planning for LuLu's 3rd Birthday party, just 6 days away. I think she wants a Dora the Explorer theme. Black frosting, ugh.

Tranquility

I have a rare few moments this evening to jot down my thoughts.

I'm sitting in my comfy sweats and oversized T-shirt, relishing the cool breeze of the evening. Through the open windows, the light perfume of crabapple blossoms from the tree in my front yard mingles with the heady aroma of fresh-baked banana bread. As I look out the front window I catch glimpses of an apricot sunset as the tree branches bounce and sway in the wind. The random "click, click" of a zipper occasionally breaks the monotony of the dryer hum. Distant squeals and giggles are becoming less and less frequent as the neighborhood children drift inside for homework or bed.

JeepMan is at the parts store, ordering a part for the truck. I hope it's a cheap one. It's his second trip out tonight, the first being an "emergency" trip to the store after Plato told us over dinner that he had invited the neighbor girl, Olivia, over for dessert. It's the first time he has done such a thing; unfortunately we don't keep much dessert stuff around, and the banana bread wasn't going to be done. Rather than disappoint him (and his friend), JeepMan ran to Fareway and picked up some sundae cones. What a good dad! The kids ate cones on the front steps, then played a while before bedtime.

Lulu is down the hall talking herself to sleep. She does this every night; it cracks me up. The minute I leave her to fall asleep she starts chattering. Unfortunately she doesn't have volume control, and usually has to be reminded several times to keep it down. I just reminded her, again, to whisper, and she told me, "I'm telling my STORIES, Mom!!"

Plato is asleep already. He's a champion sleeper, which probably accounts for the fact that he still wears a PullUp to bed. He falls asleep almost instantly and rarely wakes in the night. Most every night I go in about an hour after he falls asleep and "unwrap" him: his technique for falling asleep involves actually wrapping his head up in his blanket. It's creepy, and it used to freak me out completely. It's still unnerving, but I figure if it hasn't killed him yet it probably isn't going to. I actually bought his blanket with his habits in mind, making sure it was very breathable.

Tonight Plato was in thinking mode. During prayers, he was listing the people he was thankful for: Mom, Dad, Lulu, family and friends. Then he said he was thankful for Christians. It caught me off guard as we haven't discussed Christianity per se. He paused, then asked me what a Christian was. I explained that Christians believed in Jesus, and this seemed to satisfy him. He then said he was thankful for "...well...who was Noah again?" I told him about the Ark and the animals, and he said, "Oh yeah. I am thankful for Noah. And Jesus. And Johnny Appleseed."

As I was tucking him in, I asked him if he had fun playing with Olivia. He said "yeah," and started blushing! I asked him if Olivia was his friend (like many little girls, her friendship is fickle). He said "yeeeesssss," and started grinning like a cheshire cat. I raised my eyebrows, and he offered, "Well....she's actually sort of my GIRLfriend, but I'm trying to keep it a secret!" I asked him if his friends knew about it, and he said "Noooo." I asked him if Olivia knew about it and (thankfully) he said, "she doesn't know."

Oh boy.

Well, the dryer is chirping. And LOST is starting. What a great night!

Be BankBe

The bedtime prayer sessions are yielding some hilarious moments...I am so glad we started doing this!

A couple nights ago we were settling in to Plato's room for prayers. For some reason every night it's an issue as to whose bedroom we pray in. I try to keep things fair and even but let's face it, some nights I just can't remember whose turn it is. So we knelt in Plato's room and made the sign of the cross.

Plato said he wanted to go first. He said, "I am thankful for everyone and everything. But except bullies. The End."

Ahhh, wasn't it nice when bullies were the ultimate evil?

Then it was Lulu's turn. She doesn't say the phonics of "Th" and "F" so she said, "I be bankbee por...um,...uhh...Skittles! ORANGE skittles...and dat's all." I asked her if there was anything else she was thankful for. She put her pudgy little finger on her chin and looked up at the ceiling, her classic thinking gesture. "Well...I be bankbee por GREEN Skittles too...and WED ones...and LELLO ones...and BROWN ones....and PUHPUH ones...and dat's all !"

"Hmmmm..... BROWN Skittles? I don't think there are any brown skittles, honey. Do you mean brown M&M's?" Being the excellent therapeutic communicator that I am, I tried to give her some gentle guidance in her attempt at Skittle categorization.

She kept a straight face as long as she could (she is really good at this). Slowly, she got this impish look on her face, gave me a huge grin, and proclaimed, "I GOT YOU MOMMY!! HA HA HA!"

I am amazed that at almost 3 she has such a grasp of humor and comedic timing. Plato's idea of a great joke is still: "Knock, Knock. Who's there? Squirrel. Squirrel who? Squirrel who fell out of a tree and lost his nut!! HA HA! Good one, huh Mom?" He just doesn't quite get it...which is fine, age-appropriate even. But Lulu seems to have a bit more sophistication in this department. I guess it goes along with her mischevious and happy-go-lucky personality.

Next post might be about Lulu and her Bumby...more later.

Weekend

I had a really great weekend with my sister and my two best buds. Sis's birthday was Sunday, so Saturday night we took her out. We ate good (fattening) food, drank beer, played pool, and inhaled more than our share of second-hand smoke. Best of all, I paced myself, so no hangover the next day. It was great to see my friends. We still have so much in common, even though we have been out of high school for 16 years and live about an hour away from each other. We are all busy with family and work, but when we are together it is like time just falls away and we pick up where we left off.

My sister is also my best friend. We are 2 years apart (she's 32, I'm 34) and we fought like cats and dogs growing up. When we hit puberty though, we became buddies. We are so much alike: we look kind of alike (except she's way skinnier) but our mannerisms are almost identical. I have had people tell me they met her and knew she was my sister just because of the way she acts (I'll take that as a compliment?). She and her husband of 8 years just graduated chiropractic school. I am SO proud of them. They are now in transition, trying to set up a practice and get their feet on the ground. Hopefully soon they will be able to start trying for a family...I can't wait to be an aunt!

JeepMan got to go to a Jeep club thing, so he got some alone time. It's good for him, and he is much easier to live with when he has an outlet for his "creativity."

I got to spend some quality time with the kids. The weather was rotten so we mostly played games. It's hard to play games with an almost-3-year-old who thinks she needs to play too. The Boss gets frustrated because she wants to be included, and Plato gets frustrated because The Boss is "ruining" the game. I get frustrated because we are supposed to be having fun. Pretty soon it ends up being nap-time. The kids HATE nap-time. I love it. My kids still need naps. This makes me very happy...mommy-time.

Unfortunately the weekend went too fast, as weekends do. Next thing I need is a weekend at home, but that's not going to happen for a while. Oh Well.

I think I just rambled but there it is, saved for posterity.