Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I Hate My Husband

So I'm not into New Years' Resolutions. I think they're lame. I don't get why you have to have a special day to make commitments to change.

That said, the timing of my commitment to get into better shape and lose some weight was, well... coincidental.

I refuse to call it a New Years' Resolution because if I do, I will surely break it.

For the past few years, as my metabolism has slowed and my diet and exercise regime has remained unchanged, the pounds have crept on. My recent goal for the dreaded "Holidays" has been to not GAIN any weight, and I have succeeded.

Weight gain or no, however, I am always left with a "holiday hangover." Not the alcohol-induced kind, but the overindulgent kind. I love good food. I have a horrible sweet tooth. And in a social situation, it's very hard for me to monitor what's going in my mouth. So while I might not eat in excess, I certainly eat poorly. Fat after fat, carb after carb. By January I feel like a giant beached walrus. Every year.

Well this year, I decided to make a significant change. Until recently, I didn't need to exercise to lose weight. Cut the portions, moderate the simple carbohydrates, watch the fats: PRESTO! 20 lbs lighter.

Not so much this last year.

Is 35 a magic number? Did my metabolism hit a predestined wall? Who knows. Who cares?
The end result is the same. Dieting alone wasn't working.

I'm not stupid. I KNOW exercise is important. I have always done some form of core/strength training. I love resistance training. Isometrics. Yoga. Pilates. Abs, buns, thighs. Bring it.

I despise cardio. Always have. Even in high school, in my prime, running track, I hated it. Hate the feeling that I can't catch my breath. Hate the burning in my lungs, the coppery taste in my mouth. The hammering heart. The rubber muscles. The lactic-acid buildup: the "burn."

And conventional cardio is just plain Bor-Ing.

I don't run. I won't ever run again...on purpose. As in - if I'm not being chased. My knees, hips, and ankles can't take it with my arthritis. It hurts my back when my, *ahem*, ample bosom is bouncing along (trust me, they don't make a bra that can restrain these girls on a jog!).

Treadmills, stair climbers, ellipticals, stationary bikes: dull, dull, boring, dull. Music? Not a distraction. TV? Book? Nope and nope.

So I finally found the solution... SNEAK in the cardio. Get it with your resistance training!

I joined Curves. 30 second intervals of intensive targeted-muscle-group resistance training, with 30 seconds of recovery (cardio) in between. For 30 minutes.

You get the cardio from the resistance training. GENIUS!!

But this isn't an ad for Curves. Do what you want, I don't care. Whatever works for you.

The point is, I'm proud of myself. I've been vigilant about my diet. I've been busting my butt at Curves. Hey, baby... I've lost SEVEN pounds. In three weeks. Not bad, you might say.

What's the problem?, you might ask.

It's HIM. JeepMan.

My rat-bastard husband.

Don't get me wrong, I love him.

But I hate him too.

That Man has not lifted a weight. He has not done any form of cardio outside of his daily routine. He has not changed a THING except his diet, which is essentially the same as my diet, just slightly bigger portions.

And he has lost 20 lbs since Jan 3rd.

Stab me in the eye with a fork. Push bamboo splinters under my fingernails. Put me in a roomful of chocolate that I can't eat.

It's not fair. I hate him.

13 comments:

KLS said...

Awww, I feel for ya! Men suck! Well, at least when they drop weight like that! What in the world did he change in his diet, btw?

KLS said...

And 7 lbs isn't anything to NOT be proud of, you're working it....keep on it and you will get it off!

JaneyV said...

It sounds to me like you're replacing a lot of fat with muscle. Muscle, being denser tissue, weighs more so you can get slimmer without actually losing much weight at all. This is a healthier way to do it too.

You should keep track of your measurements - losing an inch on your waist can keep you going when the scales don't move quick enough. As for JM - don't sweat it - it's a man thing. It's because he's not a yo-yo dieter like most women. That and beer bellies dissolve faster than the genuine kind - You're just more authentic is all!

I too don't do running because of my knees but I do walk. Walking with a little pace on a treadmill can be boring but an iPod with an audio book on it makes a huge difference.

And your comments re. the puppies - I hear ya!

Monnik said...

That's rough that the weight has fallen off of JeepMan, but still. Seven pounds is awesome. Keep up the good work.

Guess what? Not trying to hijack your success at working out, but I thought you'd appreciate this since we are polar opposites on the workout thing. I love cardio, can run for an hour without stopping, but *hate* strength training. Guess what, though? I did the plank for AN ENTIRE MINUTE without breaking the pose in my kickboxing class on Monday. Yay me!

Tiff said...

Yay for cardio! It's good for you. And about JM, just remember that you are going to be way healthier than he is in the end because you are incorporating exercise into your lifestyle. So says the doc.

Momma, The Casual Perfectionist said...

Seven pounds is awesome! Before I had Claire, I went to Curves, too, and I loved it!

Like you, I hate running. I only do it when being chased...or chasing someone. (She's only 3, but she's fast!) LOL

Either way, congrats on the progress!

Tiffany said...

Please pass on to JM that I hate him too. And im gonna go eat that chocolate.

Jess said...

Can I hate him too?

I heart cardio. Seriously. It SUCKS, but I love it. I can't wait to get back into a routine. I have two chins to get rid of.

You look fabulous, Mama. You really do!

writtenwyrdd said...

It sure is easy to resent their 'just cut back and lose weight' diet method that never fails for 99% of men.

Lest you feel alone, I had my tubes tied at 32 and that put me into perimenopause and constant uncontrolled weight gain. Add arthritis, an 80 hour work week for a few years and living in a country where you can't walk at least six months of the year due to no sidewalks clear of snow and I have gained 80 pounds. It's really hard to lose any of it, too!

You should be proud of yourself, because you have been fighting and winning an uphill battle of the bulge, lady! Keep it up!

As for Curves style circuits, I can't stand them myself. I like treadmill walking once I get into it again. It's difficult when I haven't done it in a while, because every little thing distracts me and I just want to quit and go have a cookie or something.

Debbielou said...

Skinny men aren't that attractive tell him (!) x

Carol S. said...

Weight watchers online. You can keep track of what you eat on the fly. It's not really expensive.

35 sucks for metabolism.

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